Because of you, I´m afraid
by forgotten light
Summary: While fighting one of the most dangerous demons, Dean and Sam get unexpected help and all of a sudden hunting is not their only challenge anymore.
1. Prologue

_Title: Because of you, I´m afraid _

_idea: Sonya and Anne  
written by: Sonya  
translation: Anne  
_

**Disclaimer: We own nothing, except for the idea of Jean and Randy (Original Characters) **

_Prologue_

The stench that now surrounded Joanna Heartly didn't make the harbor any nicer. If she had known that her brand new Andrea Conti sandals have to face the tough reality of getting sloppy in the gutter the day she bought them, she would have impregnated them before her dare, but Joanna didn't really have the time to think about important things like that. She's a freshman in college which means she first had to prove that all the money her family owns doesn't keep her from turning away from them.

The shovel she held in her right hand got heavier with every minute and gave Joanna the feeling of safety. She wasn't exactly a beautiful or intelligent girl, she was rich and for the majority , that was enough, but Joanna Heartly had common sense, at least enough of it to understand that what she was about to do didn't only break the laws, but also every ethics. Nevertheless, she let herself be persuaded to do it. Her common sense she had been so proud of once and now warned her of coming danger wasn't enough to just say "No". Even though Joanna would rather throw all of her designer clothes out of the window before admitting that after all she was just a follower. And deep inside her, she knew it was true.

She was laying on the ground before she could even realize what was happening. One sandal fallen into the dirty water and with a scratch on her left hand, Joanna tried to get up as graceful as possible only to notice that the thing she held on to wasn't just a thing, but a human.

The scream released by Joanna could have actually woken up the dead, but the human, the corpse laying infront of her didn't move an inch and Joanna had to take a few deep breaths to force back her nausea.

After some minutes that seemed like hours to Joanna, she noticed the garment the female corpse was wearing. A beautiful strapless black dress. Thanks to the dark, Joanna couldn't make out anything else than that and though she knew that the devil would get her for her next deed she decided to do it.

The dare was to open one of the graves at the cemetery close to the harbor and get soemthing from that grave. And could there be anything better than a corpse's dress?

And while Joanna stole the dress from the young woman's body, she couldn't stop the feeling that suddenly hit her: A feeling telling her that her whole future just changed.


	2. The Show Must Go On

_Chapter 1:_

  
_The show must go on_

"Dean?"  
Both Winchester brothers sat at a small cosy breakfast table in a typical American diner. Their day started calm and relaxed. No getting up early, no hours of car driving, no long researches and no new pretty acquaintances. "What a pity.", Dean thought.  
For some days now, it had been quiet for Sam and Dean. They could just enjoy their lifes for once. And that's exactly what Dean planned to do. Having a little bit fun the first time for a very long time. Real fun.

"Dean!"

If only there wasn't Sam.

"What?"

Fretful, Dean gave up his favorite hobby for some minutes to take care of his also fretful brother.

"Dean, stop it! Or can you live with the thought of other people dying just because you wanna have some fun?"  
"Sammy –"  
"SAM!"  
"Sammy ... Sam. What else should we do right now? We're looking for things that hint to some supernatural happenings for days now, but we can't find anything. So someone is very nice to us lately and wants us to have some fun. As soon as we find something we can turn our backs to the fun again."  
"You're not even looking for something!"  
"Oh, yes I am. I am looking for something."  
"Yes ... for the hottest ass in this town. Dean, listen to me. Please. Evil things happen everywhere at every time. You should know that. We both should. I can't have fun just like that, if I know for sure that someone innocent is dying out there.I know it. I don't know who, I don't know why, I don't know when, but this thing will hopefully help us find out"

Sam suddenly begun to wave a newspaper in front of dean´s face. Dean, who was already looking at way more interesting things, took the paper from Sam. When glancing at the paper really quick, he noticed a small article about a young girl. A dead young girl. He read the article and his eyes darkened.

"What is it Dean?"  
"I think I just found something."

Dean gave Sam the paper.

"Her name is Joanna Heartly. She died last Friday. Cause of death: unknown. She wasn't sick, but her family claims she felt weaker and weaker every day until one day ... she didn't wake up. No signs for physical abuse, no reason and signs for suicide."

Dean noticed rather annoyed that Sam neither listened to him, nor paid any attention towards him, so he took the paper from Sam again rolled it up and hit his brother on the head with it pretty hard.

"Hey! Are you crazy?"  
"Would it be a big problem for you to actually listen to me?"  
"Is that a loaded question?"

The paper hit Sam's head rather ungentle again, but before Dean could go for it a third time Sam grabbed the paper again and threw it on the table harshly.

"Joanna's family says that her headaches started at the 16th this month."  
"And that's supposed to help us?"

Sam rolled his eyes and decided to ignore his brother's bad mood.

"At the 15th this month a woman was found at the harbor. Naked. Witnesses repoted she had been found pretty exhausted the same night in a bar and she was wearing a black dress and now take a guess what Joanna is wearing on that picture published in the paper?"

Looking at Dean's facial expression, Sam realized that Dean wasn't in guessing mood at all.

"Dean? What's wrong?"

Though Sam didn't get an answer from his older brother. He only saw how Dean placed some dollars on the table, got up and disappeared from the diner. Sam, who tried to make sense out of what just happened, followed his brother some minutes later.

"Dean? What's going on with you"

Again, Dean held back an answer and climbed into his Chevy Impala that ment so much to him.

"Dean?"  
"Get inside Sam, we'll go."

Sam got into the car, confused and fretful. He tried to get an answer from Dean one more time.

"Drive? Where to?"  
"To Portland."  
"Ah ... and why?"  
"Because that's where we'll find our answer."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I know someone who can help us."  
"An informant?"  
"Something like that."

Dean's tone made Sam know that with that, the discussion was done for his brother.


	3. Hear Me

**Chapter 2: **

**Hear Me **

_I am not a pretty girl  
that is not what I do  
I ain't no damsel in distess  
and I don't need to be rescued  
so put me down punk  
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair_

(lyrics by: Ani DeFranco )

"Is everything ok with you Jean?"

Jamba Juice's older employee gave her obviously younger colleague a concerned look.  
"I'm fine Betty, thanks."

Jean knew exactly that neither Betty nor anyone else who could see her at the moment was convinced by this statement, but she knew Betty and that the older woman woulnd't talk about this topic any longer which Jean was more than thankful for.

Jean took two pills of a very strong medicine against headaches with a fast and well known move of her hand. For some seconds, she relished the feeling of absolut silence in her head.

It wasn't the headaches that drove her to the edge of insanity, not even the always repeating nightmares she wouldn't even wish her worst enemy to have. It was simply the emptiness that took her closer to the abyss with each and every day.

She could very well remember the time when everything seemed to have a meaning for her. She still went to college back then. She still had friends and the feeling to be loved. The feeling to be important for just some seconds in this too cold and too emotionless world.

And today? She was 22 years old, didn't have an education and no contact to other people other than at her work. She was kind of a broken toy.

Nevertheless, Jean knew that she wasn't useless.  
This world outisde that seemed so evidently for everyone else, was nothing more than a battlefield for Jean.  
She knew what was out there. She knew what the dark was hiding and she knew how to fight it.

No one would ever understand or conceive what Jean did for this world. No one would ever thank her for it. She was seen as a pretty girl, too pretty with her glowing green eyes and her dark curles and her breathtaking figure to actually see the world as anything else than just a playground.

No one saw how lonely she was, no one knew of all the things she had seen in her life and what she had to bear. Nobody botherd enough to take a deeper look behind her facade.

And that was something else Jean was thankful for. She neither wanted the world's thankfulness, nor its pity. The only thing Jean longed for was silence. She wanted silence in her head, she wanted to sleep just one night without nightmares.

"It's late, honey. Why don't you just go home?"

Jean gave Betty a smile, grabbed her bag and went home to her one-room apartment. She was way too tired to remind Betty that she still had to work about two hours and knew that Betty only wanted the best for her.

Back home she took a long shower and decided to go to bed without any dinner right away. With that, she sent a silent prayer to please not be hunted by nightmares this night, but knew that this plea would remain unheard, too.

Sighing, Jean lay down in bed only to be wide awake again after some seconds when she noticed the knocking on her door.

She approached the door tired and edgy, looked through the loophole and stiffened. Standing outside her door were two men. She could see the taller one pretty good and somehow he seemed familiar. The shorter one was hidden by the shadows.

Jean opened the door very carefully.

"Can I help you?" she asked in a less polite tone.

"Jean?"

That's when the world stopped moving for Jean.  
She knew that voice.

When she slowly turned to the man who smiled at her she started feeling a little bit dizzy.

She knew those eyes. She knew that body.

"Jean?"

She knew that voice.

Before that man could say anything else, Jean had already gained back her consciousness and slapped his cheek with all her might. The only sound louder than that was the slamming door.

Now Jean remembered. She knew exactly who could make her life even worse than it already was.

Dean Winchester stepped back into her life and one thing was for sure: Jean wouldn't allow him to turn her life upside down again.

She wouldn't allow herself to fall in love with him all over again.


	4. Moment Of Weakness

**Chapter 3**

_You'd rather go hurt someone else  
Than run the risk they'd hurt you first  
You'd rather go for second place  
Than go for first and lose the race  
You'd rather I was not your friend  
for fear I'd leave you in the end  
_ (Scarlet - I can't save you from yourself)

"Stop laughing Sam!"

Dean who was still holding his aching cheek neither understood the meaning nor the necessity of Sam's burst of laughter. Right now, Dean would really love to hold the paper in his hands that both brothers forgot at the diner. Oh, how good would it feel right now to show Sam the strength of a paper again.

"Sammy, I'm serious, stop laughing!"

After coughing two or three times, Sam decided to obey his brothers order, though he couldn't hide the big smirk his face was showing.

"That's what I call a talkative informant."

The look Dean gave Sam could without any doubt be considered deadly and after a sarcastic "Funny" was Dean already on his way to the staircase.  
Sighing, Sam followed his brother and gave the name tag on the door one last look: "Jean Bekett"  
When he left the building he found Dean leaning against his Chevy with closed eyes.

"Ok Dean, who is Jean Bekett and why did she hit you?"

Dean, who didn't even bother to open his eyes just shrugged. A gesture that was more than disturbing to Sam. For all the time he knew Dean, which was his whole life, Dean had never ever been silent. Sam would have at least expected a sarcastic retort.

"Dean?"

With a sight, Dean straightened and looked at Sam.

"Just forget about it Sam. She doesn't wanna help us, end of story. We should just look for someone else."

Before Dean could even move an inch, Sam grabbed his arm and pushed him back to the car with gentle force.

"Ok now, wait a sec. I don't know what's going on with you two and right now, I don't really give a damn, but I know that two girls got murdered and that we'll have more corpses if we won't do anything. I won't let more innocents die just because once in your life a woman is not playing by your rules. I won't let this happen, ok?"

Sam didn't get an answer. Dean pushed his brother to the side ungently and was about to make his way to the driver's seat.

"Stop it Dean. You won't get out of this. She can help, right?"

Dean nodded once.

"Ok, so ... we'll go up there again now and talk to her."

Sam could witness the inner battle Dean was fighting very good.

"Ok Sammy, whatever you want."

And with a smile, Sam tear Dean's hair.

"No worries, big brother, I'll protect you from that evil lady."

Jean had never been a fan of Yoga, but she would give everything to know of those so called "calming practices" because one thing was for sure: She needed it badly.

Not only that her headaches got worse, but also her heart started beating in a painful rhythm.

Arghh ... she knew it: Dean Winchester wasn't good news. The name Winchester, without any doubt, would once dig a grave for her.

If only she ...

"Arghh!" Jean couldn't believe that Dean really had the guts to knock on her door again, but if Dean really wanted to feel her stong and forceful hand again, very well then.

Jean stormed to the door, angry and unsatisfied with herself. She slammed it open and was already about to attack when a strong body stopped her. At this second, Jean was glad the body didn't belong to Dean but his follower.

"Wow, easy girl!"

Jean gave the stranger an angry look, shook her head and went back into her apartment.  
Without further invitation, Dean and Sam followed her example, closed the door, and stopped in their track to just stay there, unsure what to do next.

"We need your help."

Ok, now it was Jean's turn to fight her laughter.

"In case you haven't noticed yet: I don't want you two here and I don't at all wanna help you!"

The stranger dared to come closer to Jean until he was standing right in front of her.

"Then you're gonna take the responsibility for the death of someone innocent."

Jean had enough. How could a single day end in a catastrophe like this?

"Who the hell are you?"  
"I"m Sam. Dean's brother."  
"I can feel your pain."

While Sam was rather confused, Jean noticed in delight that Dean was observing his brother angry and unbelievingly.

Strike

"Dean, just for a change, could you maybe say something as well?"

And all of a sudden, Jean knew that Sam had no clue what had happend between her and his brother.

"Yeah Dean, say something. We all know how_ helpful _your comments are."

Jean remarked Sam still looking at her confused while Dean slowly became alive.

"I told you so Sam: Jean is nothing but a waste of time."

That took her off guard.

Without anything else to say, Jean ran out of her apartment down the staires out into the night. She knew exactly that she acted like a seven-year-old little girl whose teddy had just been stolen, but she didn't give a damn. She had enough of always having to protect herself from everything and she had enough of dealing with Dean's presence. The flight from her own apartment probably hadn't been the best idea, but it was by far better than the alternative:  
Staying there and endure Dean's cocky smirk.


End file.
